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Apps to Buy For

…your iphone of course. I am told by the lesser denizens of this earth that these apps are also available for non-iphone users. Anyway. I thought I’d give you a peep at the apps that have tickled my fancy recently. January 2011 might be a tad bit too late to wax lyrical about the power available at your fingertips but on the other hand that is one of the beauties of the internet powered revolution: it never ceases to impress. The apps listed below are in no particular order but they are all mystically superliciliously snobbishly fantabulastic.

J’accuse has no sponsorship deal with any of the following apps or their creators. Just in case you were wondering of course.

1. Whatsapp

I thought I’d get rid of this one because it is the most down-to-earth and unglamorous of the lot. What it lacks in glam and glitter it wins back in absolute practicality and money-savingness. This nifty app zaps through your telephonic contacts and makes them its own and then proceeds to inform you which among these contacts is already equipped with Whatsapp. The next step is instant messaging at prices that neither Go nor Vodafone nor Melita will give you… it’s free. Bully for the expats… we get to sms people in Rome, London, Rio and Malta for free… and they answer back at the same expense. Now to make some friends around the world who will actually speak to me….

2. TuneIn Radio App

If, like me, you never swallowed the line “video killed the radio star” then you will love this one. Open up to the world of radios wherever you are. Why be limited to the range of stations on the FM band? Why be a slave to the hissing fadings and shoutings of the AM frequency? Travel back in time and listen to the best radio Italy and the UK have to offer as though you were carrying a tranny in Rome or Sheffield.  It’s simple. Download the app that runs on the radiotime database then just browse the world – literally. Your iphone will be as at home in Mauritius as it is in Mumbai. There’s no limit.

So if you are bored of counting the number of times Maltese rock deejays drool over the cliches of il-Floyd and il-Bono and if you are addicted to the non-stop orgasm that is Classic FM this is your answer. Plug it into a set of JBL on stage speakers (iphone users beware – buy the phone adapted version to make sure you eliminate the intereference from cellular buzzing) and bob’s your uncle. You can leave it plugged in at your bedside overnight and you’ll fall asleep to the sound of your favourite radio (timer enabled) and wake up to it thanks to the programmable wake-up alarm. And while it is in sleep mode your iphone doubles as a wonderful bedside clock. Next time I’ll share some cool radios I’ve discovered… it had been ages since I could hear a crystal clear footie commentary (Radio Rai 1 or BBC 5 live).

Goggles by Google

3. Google Goggles

Save the best for last. Transform your iphone into a Star Trek app. I’d say that the basic principle behind google goggles is “doing things with images”. Google has jumped onto the fact that people now carry cameras everywhere thanks to advanced optics on iphones (and maybe on other non-iphones). The idea is to take a photo of ANYTHING and see what goggles does it with.

Not recognising a landmark? Snap a photo of it and let goggles scan it and browse the web for it. After a few seconds it will tell you what it is. I took a photo of a Gauguin poster in the office. In a few seconds Goggles told me what it was and where to find it. You could try it on people but it is not that good at recognising those yet. Take a photo of a barcode and Goggles will tell you what the product is, where to find it and how to buy it online.

The most jaw-dropping of all was the Sudoku. I took a photo of a Sudoku puzzle straight off the pages of the Daily Mail (difficulty hardest). It took Goggles a few seconds (a) to tell me that  it was a Sudoku image and (b) to ask me if I want it solved. Want it solved? Want it solved? I couldn’t believe my eyes. I pressed solve puzzle and there you were… in what was surely under three seconds the Daily Mail hardest puzzle was solved. Stuff that. For the crossword enthusiasts out there… don’t despair, the day a machine can get through the nuances of a cryptic crossword is still very far off.

There you have it. Three goldmines to tap. There’s much much more but I thought I’d share these three lovely ‘uns for the weekend. It’s frosty in Luxembourg as in all of Europe (I know that because my iphone told me this morning). There we were thinking that summer was round the corner… instead we’re stuck inside, playing with our iphones.

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Honour Among Thieves

There’s nothing better than giving a Times report the “Lorna” treatment in order to really get an impartial picture of the partisan positions in the honorarium saga. Farrugia’s meeting with the PM was swell. The Cabinet took a day off to find a way out of shit creek without a paddle and an announcement is expected shortly. Meanwhile Inhobbkom J is preparing his position on the honorarium saga without wanting to wait for the new government position. Which only makes sense in a cuckoo world where Inhobbkom J can be seen as a potential saviour from that mess that is the PN government in such cases.

So here goes. For the uninitiated the “Lorna” treatment is what J’accuse used to reserve to articles penned by the much missed Lorna Vassallo when her contributions to the Times of Malta’s opinion columns provided us with occasions of mirth punctuated with goggle-eyed bafflement. Just search TGIL on the old J’accuse site and you’ll get the gist.

Labour Party to announce position on ministers’ salaries, honoraria

The Labour Party is expected to issue a formal position on ministerial salaries and the honoraria given to MPs, informed sources said this afternoon. [cue Michael Jackson: Can you feel it? – the tension is palpable… what will they come up with this time?]

The Labour parliamentary group this afternoon held an unexpected meeting [as in they all serendipitally surfaced in Hamrun by pure chance. FBI despatched a unit from Quantico to examine this supernatural occurrence] , at the same time as the issue was also being discussed down the road by the Nationalist parliamentary group at PN headquarters [It was so supernatural that they were discussing an as yet undisclosed subject referred to by the codename “the issue”… informed sources told J’accuse that this might refer to a mucuous substance exuded rabidly by the coincidental congregation].

The issue [there they go again with the mysterious “issue”] was also discussed by the Cabinet this morning. Prime Minister Lawrence Gonzi did not give details of the outcomes [they don’t know what was discussed, how it was discussed or what was said but they do know … with what seems to be absolute certainty…. that it’s plural] and said a decision would be announced later. However informed sources said ministers would refund part of the honoraria which they have been paid since 2008 [there go the deep throats… so the issue having been settled they moved on to tell us that there will be a form of ministerial refund of the honoraria they have been receiving since 2008].

Meanwhile, sources in the Labour Party said the party would announce its position, independently of what the government decided [since when is that news? Would they even bother with the government decision anyway?] The position would be announced by Labour leader Joseph Muscat [in the presence of white suited minions of course].

The PL had criticised ministers for having given themselves a double pay – their ministerial salary and their honoraria as MPs. As recently as last Sunday, Dr Muscat said one could discuss reviewing ministerial salaries, but he was against having a double pay [is that a general statement? would he apply this principle to the private sector? is there a double pay for discussing ministerial salaries? who writes these articles?].

Dr Muscat, who was also offered the honoraria along with the Opposition leader’s salary, had also declared that he would donate the honoraria (of €26,000 per year) to charity [still perpetuating the myth that he has refused the honorarium but ALSO AND AT THE SAME TIME donated it to charity… syou wish he could decide on that one].

Opposition MPs had been left at liberty to decide whether to accept a €7,000 annual increase to their honoraria. However a fund was set up for those who opted to donate the money. [See what we mean Joe? It’s confusing. You either ACCEPT the honoraria AND donate it to charity OR you DON’T ACCEPT the honorarium  AND it’s not yours to give.]

There you have it. We await with trepidation for Gonzi’s declaration. Will they give the money back? Will they hang on to some of it? What will this tell us about Gonzi’s control over his one-man majority party? Remember what J’accuse told you on the day after the election? Well you should. Coz you know what we hate to have to remind you that we were right.

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A Brilliant Bondi+

We know you’d never thought we’d say this but we will. Last night’s Bondi+ was brilliant. It may be that it’s because Oliver Friggieri was given practically a free rein to speak his mind about Malta and the Maltese but it is thoroughly enjoyable. Interesting insights and thoughts. Friggieri at his best. You’ve got to love his humility : “Ma hix mistoqsija facli. Ma nafx inwegibha” (when asked if party TV stations are contributing to increase the sense of partisanism.)

PS. Got to the point where Bondi expresses his new pet hate: “il-hmerijiet li taqra fuq l-internet.” He still cannot stomach the idea that there is a space which cannot be bought out for some opinions only. A repugnant interlude.

Watch it here.

7 billion

An interesting video from National Geographic. This year the world population reaches the magic number of 7 billion. National Geographic tried to help readers “visualise” the immensity of that figure by putting it into a demographic, geographic and historical perspective. Here goes:

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Personal Values

Both the pro- and anti-divorce movements are in favour of marriage. The pro-divorce movement has announced its logo. It’s negatively atrocious – and sends out all forms of wrong signals. The only positive was the emphasis that even a pro-divorce movement is in favour of strong marriages. We’re all set for the Grand Debate of 2011 in Malta: Divorce pro or con?

All that is left is to understand whether it will be a referendum, a law, none or both that will represent the culmination point of this latest chance to take sides. Don’t know why but with the announcement of the logo for the pro-divorce movement I could only think of this song as interpreted by Johnny Cash.

Addendum: I remembered why. It’s the Maltese phrase “Kullhadd ghandu alla tieghu” (Everyone’s got his own god). Très Depeche Mode. Let’s all reach out touch faith.

Image from timesofmalta dot com

Come to think of it even this version is very apt:

and once we’re at it why not link the original:

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Who you calling old?

As we eagerly wait for the next iPad (please make it by April) and listen nonchalantly to ipods on the bus while reading the paper on our iPhone, there’s a whole new generation out there who are absolutely clueless about the technology of yesterday. Thirty? Who you calling old?