In another life – pre-Trump, pre-Covid, pre-two daughters – in the early days of J’accuse this blog, I had posted a little piece called “Nikkonfermaw li Norfolk Tezisti”. Snowed in, in my comfy flat in Merl I had chanced upon an episode of Xarabank that for that day had turned into a Maltese version of Would I lie to You? Now this was no David Mitchell or Lee Mack but a bunch of people unkown to me being compered by the dinosaur of Maltese TV at the time – Peppi Azzopardi.

This was 2008, and one of the storytellers on the show mentioned Norfolk en passant and this prompted good old Peppi to ask one of his assitants to…. confirm that Norfolk exists. Which they did. And they ended the show with the cringeworthy statement “Nikkonfermaw li Norfolk Tezisti” (we confirm that Norfolk exists). Any East Anglians watching the show that day must have felt relieved.
Fast forward to the day the Orange Clown residing in the White House announced his tarriffs on the world with much pomp and little circumstance. Within the absurdity of the measures that shoot the global economy back a century and a half lay a lovely easter egg waiting for exploitation by critics and comedians alike. For the Carrot Faced Buffoon had actually slapped tarriffs on uninhabited or sparsely inhabited places such as the Heard and MacDonald Islands and… wait for it… Norfolk Island.
While economists and analysts the world over were busy picking up the pieces of their jaws that had collectively clattered to the ground during the shit show that was the announcement of tarriffs, some others were trying to decipher the reason Putin’s Puppet would choose to punish islands whose main inhabitants are penguins.
Well it turns out that the reason behind this is an administrative error of sorts. A very lax person or persons somewhere in the US administration who was responsible for collecting trade data seems to have mislabelled certain transactions involving places such as Norfolk, VA (Virginia) – attributing them instead to an island 1,500 km east of Australia in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. You see. It’s not that Norfolk does not exist. In this case, it’s simply the wrong Norfolk.
That, ladies and gentlemen, says it all. In 2008, I thought that if a TV talk show host needs to ask his crew to confirm that Norfolk really exists and was not a figment of the imagination of a participant then we had hit the bottom. I was wrong. In 2025 the Leader of the Free World (not sure this still applies) created a global tarriff list based on data provided by minions who couldn’t tell their Pacific Islands from US states.
That’s all (Nor)folks! (sorry)
According to an analysis of US import data and shipping records, multiple shipments of goods were classified as having originated from Norfolk Island or Heard and McDonald islands when neither the company address, nor the port of departure for the shipment, nor the destination port were located in those territories. In some cases involving Norfolk Island, which is 1,600km north-east of Sydney and has a population of 2,188, the confusion appears to have resulted from the fact that the company’s address or port of departure is Norfolk, UK, or the destination is Norfolk, Virginia in the US, or a company’s registered address in New Hampshire (NH) has been listed instead as Norfolk Island (NI).
(the Guardian)