I’m tempted to start a political movement. It will be one that is guaranteed to win over hundreds of thousands of votes. Ok maybe a bit less. But the formula is a winner….
The movement will divest itself of anything remotely political in value. There will be no reference point as to whether we would weather an economic storm with austerity or growth other than the mother of all policies: WE DO WHAT YOU WANT (or at least we tell you we will).
This political movement will renege any sense of partisan affiliation. It is not a Labour party. It will not carry the burden of a polka-dot history of gaffes in recent years. There is no baggage and no place for old-style politicians who plan to think in terms of “principles”. Pipe-smoking politicians who dare stand in the way of the progressive tsunami of this movement will be ignored and ignored till they stand aside. The added benefit of its being neither a party nor a value-laden vehicle means that persons of any previous colour persuasion are welcome. Nationalists, labourites, alternattivisti… you are welcome under our big tent. You need not throw away your “tessera” just join our tsunami of change.
We will fuel the movement with the promise of change and hope. Young people will be allowed to be young. Persons seeking employment will be allowed to seek employment. We will cut spending and increase spending. We will reinstate subsidies on utilities and channel public money obtained through taxing the citizens into funding these subsidies that are intended to make citizens spend less.
We will be a shield against the corrupt and incompetent who are paid to work for us. We will channel spite, anger and jealousy and reward them. We will drive a stake through the Malta caste system and return the power to the middle masses. Who are the middle masses? Why you dear reader – dear voter… anyone with a gripe and a reason to complain is the middle mass. And we are the answer to your prayers. We are the new shit!
We do not only intend to drive partisanism into the ground but also any semblance of principles, values and ideas. We will be driven on pure hope, ambition and the desperate need to get rid of the old shit and bring in the new.
Because we are confident that you will like this new shit.
Vote for the Malta Bowel Movement. We’re worth it.
