I’m tempted to start a political movement. It will be one that is guaranteed to win over hundreds of thousands of votes. Ok maybe a bit less. But the formula is a winner….

The movement will divest itself of anything remotely political in value. There will be no reference point as to whether we would weather an economic storm with austerity or growth other than the mother of all policies: WE DO WHAT YOU WANT (or at least we tell you we will).

This political movement will renege any sense of partisan affiliation. It is not a Labour party. It will not carry the burden of a polka-dot history of gaffes in recent years. There is no baggage and no place for old-style politicians who plan to think in terms of “principles”. Pipe-smoking politicians who dare stand in the way of the progressive tsunami of this movement will be ignored and ignored till they stand aside. The added benefit of its being neither a party nor a value-laden vehicle means that persons of any previous colour persuasion are welcome. Nationalists, labourites, alternattivisti… you are welcome under our big tent. You need not throw away your “tessera” just join our tsunami of change.

We will fuel the movement with the promise of change and hope. Young people will be allowed to be young. Persons seeking employment will be allowed to seek employment. We will cut spending and increase spending. We will reinstate subsidies on utilities and channel public money obtained through taxing the citizens into funding these subsidies that are intended to make citizens spend less.

We will be a shield against the corrupt and incompetent who are paid to work for us. We will channel spite, anger and jealousy and reward them. We will drive a stake through the Malta caste system and return the power to the middle masses. Who are the middle masses? Why you dear reader – dear voter… anyone with a gripe and a reason to complain is the middle mass. And we are the answer to your prayers. We are the new shit!

We do not only intend to drive partisanism into the ground but also any semblance of principles, values and ideas. We will be driven on pure hope, ambition and the desperate need to get rid of the old shit and bring in the new.

Because we are confident that you will like this new shit.

Vote for the Malta Bowel Movement. We’re worth it.

Parte Prima: I sogni (Ħolm)

Ilni biex nikteb din il-bloggata. Dan l-aħħar il-febbre a novanta laqtitni kif qatt qabel. Il-futbol huwa ossessjoni. Imbagħad f’Malta fejn il-partiġġjan huwa normali u l-oġġettivita hija illużjoni… hawn min isejjaħlu mard. Ma naqbilx. Il-futbol huwa parti mill-ħajja daqs l-alarm li jdoqq filgħodu u jfakkrek li wasal il-ħin li terfa’ sormok mis-sodda u tmur għal dawk it-tmien siegħat xogħol. Il-futbol huwa realta li timla t-tedjanza tal-odjern bil-ħolm ta’ tfulija eterna. Pele is good. Maradona is better (diskutibbli) but George is Best.

Il-futbol huwa stil, huwa filosofija, huwa passjoni. Fil-pressure cooker tal-ħajja għaddejja b’ritmu mgħaġġel il-futbol huwa l-istress li infittxu għax fil-biċċa l-kbira tiegħu huwa stress tajjeb. Ninbidlu għax irridu, ninbidlu għax nagħżlu aħna. Tgħajjatx… qisek l-annimal. U min iħares minn barra u jitkaża bil-blugħa li ngħaddu minna aħna tal-ballun nistgħu biss nagħdruh għax ma jifhimx. Tiġix tgħid li tħobb il-ballun…

Il-futbol li nara jien huwa monochrome. Niekol u ngħix abjad u iswed. Hemm għażilt li tħabbat qalbi meta kont għadni daqxejn ta’ tifel u qaluli nagħżel bejn l-Inter (temmen?) u l-Milan (idem). Kienu għadhom jilgħabu Beppe Furino u Antonello Cuccureddu. U jien, bejn għax dejjem kont bastjan kontrarju u bejn għax ismi jibda bil-J għażilt it-tim l-ieħor. Tal-abjad u l-iswed. Bianconero. Iktar tard dik is-sena dak it-tim rebaħ it-tazza tad-dinja imma kien liebes blu flok abjad u iswed. Imma kollha kienu hemm (seta kien mod ieħor?) Zoff, Tardelli, Cabrini, Scirea, Rossi, Gentile u Causio. Jien ma fraħtx magħom għax kont għadni nibki l-aqwa formazzjoni nazzjonali li ma rebħetx tazza tad-dinja imma dik storja oħra. Rossi has done it again. That’s three, Italy are going to the semi-finals.

Dan l-aħħar qrajt il-bijografija ta wieħed mill-aqwa plejers li qatt rat il-logħba. George is Best but there is only one Alex. Il-blurb tal-ktieb fih kwotazzjoni minn ta’ Alex:

Mi chiamo Alessandro Del Piero e gioco a calcio. Tutti i miei sogni da bambino si sono avverati. Non credo che a un uomo possa toccare una sorte migliore.

Ma jistax ikun hemm spjegazzjoni ikbar ta’ x’inhu futbol. L-aspett ludiku tal-logħba tal-ballun huwa bissa maskra għall-ħolm ta’ kull wieħed u waħda minna li qiegħdin hemm imsaħħrin  mal-iskrin jew ngħajtu minn fuq l-ispalti ta’ xi grawnd  - hux il-Camp Nou jew l-iSchreiber. U meta l-ħolm isir realta bħal ma ġara lil Alex allura hemm ma jistax ikollok xejn aħjar mill-ħajja. (Alla faccia dell’amaro Lucano).

Il-bijografija ta’ Alex laqtitni doppjament għax jien u Alex ko-etanei. Waqt li Alex kien qed jipprattika iqabbeż ballun tat-tennis minn fuq sufan għal bejn saqajn siġġu, Jacques (sena u jumejn iżgħar minnu) kien qed jagħmel l-istess bis-siġġijiet ħodor tal-kċina. Min f’Conegliano (Veneto) u min f’Paceville (San Ġiljan) mitluf fil-ħolm tiegħu. Mill-appelli lil ġenituri biex nibqgħu barra dik in-nofs siegħa żejda ħa nispiċċaw il-logħba (last goal wins - later to become the ill-fated golden goal… Trezegol) sal-ossessjoni fuq Captain Tsubasa (Olly e Benji). L-istess ħsibijiet, l-istess tip ta’ ġenituri jaħdmu u jitħabtu biex iġibu l-hobż fuq il-mejda u jwasslu l-valuri tagħhom lilna.

Wieħed spiċċa jilgħab logħba diskreta five-a-side kultant u l-ieħor laħaq l-ogħla quċċati ta’ l-Olimpu kalċistiku. Iżda it-tnejn jisiltu mill-ħajja sodisfazzjonijiet umani. Avversari sempre, nemici mai.

Parte Seconda: La Tragedia del Calcio Moderno (Realta)

Qisu sitt snin ilu għaddiet bufera fuq il-futbol taljan. Hawn min għadu isejħilha calciopoli, aħna nippreferu insejħula farsopoli. Taf tkun kwistjoni oħra partiġġjana – araha kif trid. L-għira għal tim li kien sar imbattibbli, il-bżonn li inħass miċ-ċittadina Meneghina illi isir xi ħaġa biex jitnaqqas id-distakk, is-sensazzjonaliżmu stile OJ Simpson illi iwassal għall-qrati pubbliċi li jiddeċiedu skond il-qalb u mhux skond il-moħħ. Always cheating, just like Juve.

Minn dejjem smajniha. Dejjem kien hemm min ried jgħodd il-penalties, il-presunti favuri arbitrali jew xi sitwazzjoni oħra biex jipprova jispjega għalfejn il-Vecchia Signora minn Turin baqgħet tirbaħ u kienet l-ewwel tim fid-dinja li rebaħ kull ma kien hemm x’tirbaħ. Fid-disgħinijiet il-qagħda ħraxet meta dak l-imbierek ta’ Tabacchaio sar President ta’ tim provinċjali fil-Lombardia. Ried jirbaħ bilfors. U nefaq. U nefaq. U xtara ħmir u xtara lil Ronaldo. U għalxejn.

Il-futbol taljan tul dawn is-snin mit-tmeninijiet baqa’ jġaħġaħa. Issib xi Berlusconi jitfa l-miljuni u jibni tim li bil mod il-mod jreġġa lil Milan fost il-kbar. Xi Ferlaino li iġib lil Maradona u Napli tiskopri l-quċċata. Callisto Tanzi jilgħab bi flus in-nies u fost kawżi ta falliment u suwiċidji jibni tim ġmielu ġo Parma. L-istess il-Lazio ta’ Eriksson, il-Genoa ta’ Skhuravy, is-Sampdoria ta’ Mancini u oħrajn. Ani ir-Roma ta’ Andrade u Aldair jaslu biex jirbħu kampjonat (u jissieltu għal oħrajn). U hi dejjem hemm. Il-Vecchia Signora tal-gobbi. L-imħittba. Dan iċ-ċirku kellu regoli strambi.

Il-Presidenti, despoti eċċentriċi iċemplu -l hawn u l-hinn biex mingħalihom jgħidu tagħhom… il-poter fil-qasam sportiv. Min iċempel. Min ibagħbas passaporti. Min jagħmel it-tnejn. Min igorr għax l-ikbar inġustizzja dejjem kontrih. Min jitlef kampjonat minħabba logħba waterpolo li qatt ma missa intlagħbet. Cosi fan tutti. Min jibgħat rolex lil referees. Min ifotti fil-garanziji ekonomiċi li suppost jagħti qabel il-kampjonat min ifotti waqt billi jittarokka bilnanċi u plusvalenze. Dak mard żgur. Dik hi r-realta tal-futbol taljan. Imma sitt snin ilu lagħbuha tax-xadini. Qishom qatt ma raw, semgħu u qalu dan kollu…

Fis-saħna ta’ sajf pre-Mondjali iddeċidew li jagħmlu tabirruħom li l-futbol kien nadif pinna u li dawn l-affarjiet ma jagħmilhom ħadd. Anzi jagħmluhom biss it-Triade. La terza stella a Moratti gliela metterei sul fronte. Ivvintaw babaw. Skattaw il-gazzetti tat-Tabbachaio li irrapurtaw għażla ta’ telefonati (lanqas deċimu) li kienet ipprovdiet kumpanija telefonika tat-Tabacchaio. Il-qrati bil-labar f’sormhom lanqas ma ħasbuha darbtejn. X’għarukaza… iċempel referee. Bilfors hemm xi ħaġa. Fl-ebda mument ma ħasbu illi forsi dan kien kif isiru l-affarijiet għax in-nies tas-Sudeuropa kollha morda. Kienet tajba wisq l-okkażjoni.

U sallbuhom. Filwaqt li injoraw eluf ta’ telefonati ta’ Giacinto u sħabu. Lil Milan tal-Presidente ġabruhom minn xaharhom u tawhom ċans imorru fl-Ewropa li tgħodd. Il-Ħadd nibdew. Juventus – Rimini.  U lit-tarbija li kienet ilha tibki u tolfoq għax ma tirbaħ qatt ħbewla il-mimmi E morto Facchetti. Un simbolo di interismo. Tawh il-ġuġu biex forsi jibda jirbah kontra l-ħajbu. Biex zgur ma jnewwaħx tawh scudetto tal-kartun. Bħal dak li qallu meritatissimo. Imbagħad bdew l-incucio. Bdew erba snin ta- tifħir li l-futbol reġa sew għax bil-catenaccio u mingħajr avversarji kollox tirbaħ. Campioni di Serie B. Issa żgur irbaħna kollox.

Issa. Ħames snin wara ħarġu veritajiet oħra. Preskritti jew mejtin. Federazioni b’wiċċ imħammar tammetti li inkompetenti u ma tassumi l-ebda responsabilta. U issa anki Blatter il-qaddis qisu qamlu. Mur obsor. Niftakkruh lil Blatter li ħares in-naħa l-oħra sakemm ħammġu idejhom l-assassini fl-2006 u qajla kellu saħħa jippreżenta tazza lil Juventus Campione del Mondo 2006. Għax lanqas Alla ma ried hux. Dan it-tim li kellu daqshekk bżonn iċempel l- hawn u l-hinn biex ma jirbaħx l-Inter ta’ Centofanti u Pandev rebaħ it-tazza tad-dinja. U ħalluna.

Buffon, Zambrotta, Cannavaro, Grosso, Camonaresi, del Piero. Ma jistħux. Imma l-futbol marid. Imbagħad ġew u xtrawhom il-players  li suppost rebħu biss għax megħjuna. Zambrotta. Viera. Ibrahimovic. Cannavaro. Emerson. Allajbierek ħaduhom u bdew jirbħu. Tifimha issa l-I N T E R I S T A P E Z Z O D I M E R D A? Għax dak mhux kumbinazzjoni. It-tabacchaio jibqa ħati li biex jasal għal ħolm tiegħu qatel il-ħolm ta’ ħafna nies. Meta ħa lil Zlatan ħallieh jilgħab xorta mingħajr ma staqsieh kemm jaħseb li rebaħ kampjonati. Ma staqsieħx jekk iħossx li rebaħ skudetto 28 u 29. Ma qallux li dik provokazzjoni. Imma Zlatan bħal Del Piero (mhux daqsu imma bħalu) u l-ħolm tiegħu jgħożżhom ukoll. U bejn l-2004 u l-2006 jaf ħafna iktar minn Massimo il Tabacchaio b’liema ħila rebaħ il-kampjonat.

Daqshekk ieħor Cannavaro u Vieira. Għax it-Tabacchaio ġietu tajba bl-għajnuna tal-ħbieb bħal Guido Rossi u ir-Rosea iżda konvint li ħolmtu bil-lejl huwa biss ħmir il-lejl. Tajba din ħmar bi nhar u ħmir bil-lejl. Xieraq.

Parte Terza: Guerre Stellari (Kostellazjoni)

Għalxejn nibqa ngħid dwar l-2004 u l-2005. Illum irrid nispiċċa bi storja oħra. Storja ta’ fatti li seħħew ftit iktar minn seklu sħiħ ilu. Correva l’anno 1908. Il-kampjonat kien għadu żgħazugħ u kien għadu kif interebaħ mill-AC Milan għat-tieni sena’ konsekutiva (1906, 1907). Dak iż-żmien ir-rebbieħ tal-kampjonat kien jingħata tazza li kien jisimgħa Spensley Cup. Għas-sena l-ġdida l-Federazzjoni xtaqet tnaqqas l-influenza tal-barranin fil-futbol taljan u iddeċidiet li m’għandux ikun hemm barranin. Ħafna kienu li ma qablux (u din id-deċizjoni ħolqot bosta xiżmi fil-futbol li minnhom twieldu timijiet bħat-Torino u ċerta FC Internazionale – li dejjem kellhom propensita jixtru balla barranin).

Ġara għalhekk illi inżammew zewġ tornej:

L’Assemblea delibera che il Regolamento organico sia modificato in modo da comprendere due gare di campionato: la prima chiamata Campionato Federale, libera a tutti i soci appartenenti alle società iscritte alla Federazione, anche se stranieri…, e la seconda chiamata Campionato italiano e riservata ai soli giuocatori italiani o nazionalizzati… Alla prima sarà assegnata la Coppa Spensley… Alla seconda sarà invece assegnata la Coppa Buni…

Milan, Genoa u Torino ma lagħbux dik is-sena bi protesta. Il-Juventus lagħbu fiż-żewġ tornej (Federali u Taljan). Rebħu dak Federali filwaqt li fit-Taljan ġew eliminati mir-rebbieħa eventwali Pro Vercelli. U hemm jibda l-babaw. Il-Milan li kellhom suppost jgħaddu t-tazza Spensley lil Juventus irrifjutaw u fost polemika ikkonsenjaw it-trofew lil Genoa (eħe). Sadattant minkejja li ż-zewġ kampjonati huma  rikonoxxuti mill-Ferderazjoni fl-Albi tal-Kampjonat jidru biss il-Pro Vercelli bħala rebbieħa tal-kampjonat. 1908 – Pro Vercelli.

Is-sena ta’ wara intlagħab l-ewwel il-kampjonat federali li intrebaħ mill-Pro Vercelli. Il-Juventus illi inqalgħu mit-Torino f’dak il-kampjonat rebħu il-kampjonat taljan (jiġifieri dak li rebħu Pro Vercelli is-sena ta’ qabel u li hu rikonoxxut fl-albi d’oro). Għal xi raġjuni li jafu biss huma għas-sena 1909 ir-rebbieħa tal-kampjonat huma imniżżlin bħala l-Pro Vercelli. 1909 – Pro Vercelli. Aħdimha.

It-taħwid tal-FIGC ma jibdiex illum b’Abete. Huwa ċar li fis-sentejn 1908 u 1909 il-Juventus kienu leġittimament ħaqqhom żewġ scudetti. Anki jekk taċċetta torneo wieħed biss minn fost federale u italiano kien ħaqqhom wieħed. Sadattant kif aċċennajt qabel waqt dan il-perijodu ta’ kaos kien hemm xissjoni mit-tim ultrasportiv tal-Milan li ma kienx radd it-tazza lil Juventus u min din ix-xissjoni twieled it-tim li jiffavorixxi plejers internazzjonali. Ossija l-Internazionale.

Fl-1910 l-FIGC irimodellat il-kampjonat fuq mudell Ingliz b’rawnd waħdani. Il-kwistjoni taż-żewġ skudetti misruqa lil Juventus qatt ma ssolviet pero il-fatti huma ċari. Għada mhux 30 misshom għandhom fuq il-baġġ. 32.

Finale: Heysel (Tmiem)

Dalgħodu rajt dokumentarju dwar King Kenny Dalglish. Plejer kbir. Staqsewħ kieku seta jbiddel xi ħaġa fil-karriera tiegħu x’kien jagħżel. Ma damx jaħsibha. Qallhom Hillsborough u Heysel. Ma kellux għalfejn jispjega wisq. Għadhom stampati f’ moħħi il-filmati ta dak il-lejl traġiku. 39 ħajja intemmet hemm ħesrem. Intemmet waqt li kienet qed issegwi l-ħolm tagħha. Hemm ġewwa stadium fil-periferiji ta’ Brussel intraddmu 39 persuna ħatja li xtaqu għal ftit mumenti jaħarbu mir-realta u jgħixu il-ħolma tagħhom imdawrin bil-kostellazzjoni ta’ stilel. Il-penalty fieragħ ta’ Platini u r-rebħa qarsa ma tfewx id-dieqa u ma jnessew qatt il-weġghat.

Iva Heysel ukoll huwa simbolu. Tifkira tal-linja li tifred il-ħolm mir-realta. Tifkira ukoll li umani aħna u maħluqin differenti bħa; Kajjin u Abel.

“L’uomo allo stadio di Bruxelles è stato tremendamente offeso anche dopo che i tanti Caino, sparsi sulle gradinate, lo avevano ammazzato. Per calmare i Caino non si è rispettato il sangue degli Abele: si è giocato mentre i morti erano ancora lì scomposti nella violenza appena subita; si è tifato; si è gioito. In una giornata in cui tutti e tutto sono stati sconfitti, è assurdo pensare che alcuni si ritengano vincitori ed è amaro vedere volti sorridenti per una vittoria senza senso. Nella serata di mercoledì 29 maggio 1985 lo sport è stato sconfitto e mortificato”. Giocare, lo sappiamo tutti, era necessario, esultare no.”

Avversari si, ma nemici mai. Ridt b’xi mod nispjega staġun sħiħ ta’ rabja. Sitt snin ta’ rabja. Din hija apologia bil-Latin mhux apoloġija bil-Malti. Nittama li tifhmu minn fejn joħroġ it-tifo, il-passjoni, il-ħolm. Jiena u dan is-sit li tant ma nifilħux il-partiġġjaniżmu qed nispjega ghalfejn u minn fejn sibna mod biex niżvugaw fil-partiġġjaniżmu san.

Campioni. I campioni dell’Italia siamo noi. Tre stelle sul petto. Un capitano, c’e solo un capitano. Simili a degli’eroi. Chi non salta… 

Għalhekk baqagħli darbtejn oħra. Nofs siegħa qabel il-logħba kelma waħda fuq status “Vincere!”. Il-gear iffirmat ta’ Buffon jinħareġ għal buon augurio u imbagħad inlestu ħa ngħajtu bħat-tfal. Terġa taqbdek il-febbre a novanta…. Il-futbol huwa ossessjoni. Imbagħad f’Malta fejn il-partiġġjan huwa normali u l-oġġettivita hija illużjoni… hawn min isejjaħlu mard. Ma naqbilx. Il-futbol huwa parti mill-ħajja daqs l-alarm li jdoqq filgħodu u jfakkrek li wasal il-ħin li terfa’ sormok mis-sodda u tmur għal dawk it-tmien siegħat xogħol. Il-futbol huwa realta li timla t-tedjanza tal-odjern bil-ħolm ta’ tfulija eterna. Pele is good. Maradona is better (diskutibbli) but George is Best.

Fino alla fine!

Dedikat lil kull min fil-futbol ma jifhimx akka.

Vuol dire anche te – I N T E R I S T A P E Z Z O D I M E R D A.

Dear Ramona,

I read with interest your latest contribution to the Times’ “blogging” columns. The title, I guess, said it all (A campus of self-entitled twerps) although you did specify from the very start that generalisations can be odious.

To be quite honest I too have begun to wonder recently whether the quality of of our beloved Alma Mater’s end product is deteriorating at a faster rate than the Desserta chocolates of yesteryear. My observation is that students seem to start university with – yes, you said it – that sense of self-entitlement that ultimately means that “since I made it to day one then I am entitled to the final degree – whatever garbage I produce in the interim”.

I am fully aware that my observation too is a generalisation. I am quite sure that an independent observer who would have peeked at our behaviour during the law course years  of the vintage class of ’99 when we shared the benches at the hallowed halls of Tal-Qroqq might have found a thing or two to say about our levels of distraction. Anecdotes and reminiscences apart the point is that I believe that notwithstanding the (perceived or real) fluctuating standards of readers at university we might be dealing – in all probability  - with a constant that has persevered through the ages ever since the first universities were set up from Bologna to Cambridge i.e. the boring lecturer.

Let us not, after all, be distracted by the latest form of distractions available (be they facebook equipped netbooks or twitter enabled smartphones) and concentrate for a moment on the actual issue at hand. A lecturer has been told, in not too indirect a manner, that his delivery during lectures is as boring as a buzzing fly. Less interesting actually. It’s not always easy to point fingers at the persons who will be armed with that marking pen at the end of the semester. I still have fond memories of my “friends” patting me on the back after my not too kind graduation speech criticising the mess at the faculty of Law back in 1996 (B.A.). “Good luck with finishing the course” said many a sarcastic bastard.

Newton (Sir Isaac of gravity and refraction) is said to have penned a list of forty problems  that he intended to tackle in science during a particularly boring lecture. Amicus Plato amicus Aristotle magis amica veritas – he prefaced: truth is a better friend. So it has been through the ages where many a supposed deliverer of truth managed only to deliver sleep-inducing drones. Need I cite our own experiences? Best not.

Yes Ramona. While I would probably stand by you (and many another) in a call for more exacting standards for today’s studying masses  I would also be prepared to audi alteram partem and see whether the alleged perpetrator of mass boredom by power point was guilty of anything.

And that is where I’ve got a problem. For the alleged Mr Boredom of the hundred or more slides is none other than part-time internet troll Antoine Vella. The very man who never missed an occasion to remind J’accuse and its readers how boring the content of this site was according to his most venerable opinion (when he was not seconding other “interesting” personalities in calling me such names as wanker or whatever playground term was popular at the time).

Yes Ramona, I am biased because the man who was unable to keep a lecture theatre ever so slightly interested in whatever he was on about is a ubiquitous troll of the internet kind. His activity online might also explain why he will probably find many a defender in some circles of the net where he is considered less boring and slightly more droll.

I’d suggest a litmus test before judging whether students or lecturer was at tort in this case. Before descending into vulgar generalisation or risking ad hominem arguments we should allow Vella a chance to counter this accusation. This is why J’accuse is willing to allow Vella to make use of the modern technologies that he targeted in his letter and to provide us with the full power point presentation that we would gladly carry on our site as Exhibit Number 1 – while willingly risking the possibility of boring our esteemed readers to death (again, he would say).

We’ll let the audience be the judges of that no? They say the proof of the pudding is in the eating… it’s either that or eat humble pie.

What do you say Antoine?

Given the choice between the opinion of resident Times economist Daniel Finkelstein and that of Cyrus Engerer on the current “wave of change” hitting Europe and the wider world I should be forgiven for opting for the former. It is an undeniable fact that popular sentiment lies closer to Cyrus Engerer’s way of thinking – that there is a social-democrat/socialist/progressive wave of change that is rejecting austerity and that has some plan to rebuild Europe through jobs and competitiveness. Or something like that.

I chose Cyrus simply as an example. His sentiments echo clearly those of many other “anti-austerity” hopefuls – and not just in Malta. Here is Cyrus posting on facebook commemorating Europe Day (my translation):

This year Europe Day has a more important meaning where we are watching Europe that has for a bit over ten years been practically run by conservative parties. Last year Denmark chose the Social-Democrat party, France did the same last Sunday and it seems that Social-Democrat parties have begun to win local and regional elections in many countries (Germany, Malta, United Kingdom). The call for the leftist parties is one of hope, progress and growth thanks to investment in youth, education and work instead of austerity. What do you think?

Well I think that Cyrus is confused about the real drive behind the votes. His activism within Malta’s Labour party, a party that is eager to jump onto what seems to be a progressive bandwagon might have much to do with this and he cannot be blamed for this bit of predictable rhetoric. On the other hand the current political situation merits a deeper analysis than the simple explanation of a pendulum switch from conservative to socialist (&c.).

I believe that this is not really a positive vote in favour of some progressive (or socialist or social democrat) pan-European movement but a negative vote against austerity. Cyrus omits to mention, for example, the administrative elections in Italy which were not exactly a success for the Partito Democratico – the largest leftist movement in Italy. Instead, the administrative elections produced a surprise result with the popularity of the Grillini (Movimento Cinque Stelle) best described as the anti-establishment party. Beppe Grillo – the movement’s founder described the success of his Movimento in this manner:

Qui siamo veramente a un cambiamento epocale di pensiero della politica. I cittadini votano se stessi. Stiamo avendo successo. Questo è solo l’inizio. Dalla rigenerazione di cui parlava il nostro presidente della Repubblica, siamo passati alla liquefazione. La destra, il Pdl, il centro: non c’è più nulla. Si stanno liquefacendo in questa diarrea politica. Finalmente i cittadini si riappropriano delle istituzioni perché sono le istituzioni.

Grillo’s analysis centres on the rejection of the current political establishment – the liquidation of the standard political system. Though not far from the truth, Grillo’s reading of the signs is also “egoistic” in political party terms. We could acknowledge “positive” voting for the grillini but then again the message of “ousting” the political establishment is much stronger and larger than the Grillo reality. For that we have just to look at the Le Pen vote in France. Once the first round of presidential elections was over and the options were red or blue we did not really witness the landslide rejection of Sarkozy and the tsunami of progressive votes that many had predicted. Hollande and his progressive growth promises just about scraped through.

Yes, socialist and labourite parties across Europe would love to believe in a wave of positive choices in favour of a program built on investment and spending to encourage growth. That would be the program that ultimately delivers the death sentence  to the Merkozy inspired austerity measures. But do they really have something going? Or is this the child spitting out the medicine and going for the sugared placebo? Even before we start hedging our bets on whether the placebo of “growth” and “the new Marshall plan” will work we should be asking what these programs really mean.

Back to Finkelstein - whom I will quote in order not to bastardise by summarising:

Here’s what I think happened in Greece, and in France, and in the local elections in Italy a few days ago. Voters went to the polls to see if they agreed that two plus two equals four and decided that they did not. Simple arithmetic ran for office, and lost.

Now what exactly does Finkelstein mean by “simple arithmetic”? Thankfully Finkelstein explains what this actually translates to in democratic terms:

The financial crisis saw governments step in to take over debts that had been incurred by private citizens. They could do this because their power to tax their citizens assured lenders that they were good for the money. But two things have happened since 2008. The first is that the size of the debt grew so large in some countries that even its power to tax wouldn’t raise enough money. The second, which was dramatically underlined by the election results at the weekend, is that the power to tax proved to be theoretical. Democratic governments can’t tax (or reduce spending) if voters won’t let them.

The clash between financial reality and democratic response is as big a political crisis as most of us have ever seen. All over Europe, voters are in revolt against paying the bills they and their fellow countrymen have incurred. And not just in Europe. A recent visit to Japan found a country flitting from one prime minister to the next and still, after many years of struggle, no closer to determining how — or even whether — to deal with its economic problems.

On Europe Day, we would do well to look more closely at this kind of message. The rhetoric of “growth” is all well and good. So is it facile to condemn “democracy controlled by markets”. The importance of responsible governance can never be sufficiently underlined. When I look at the recent outings by Joseph Muscat what with all the karma that “Taghlim. Tahrig. &c” I can only see a pandering to the huge chunk of voters who will act as most voters would: voting for the option that promises less tax and more spending.

Malta does not even have a movement such as the Movimento Cinque Stelle – and what with Alternattiva seeming to be lured by the progressive promises of a “growth driven” plan of recovery (an inevitable step given AD’s heart lies strongly with the working left) there seem to be less options for delivering the message of no confidence to the entire political class. Meanwhile in parliament today Tonio Fenech summarised what this year’s budget means to the population:

“(…) increasing pensions, the tax reductions for SMEs and for parents whose children are in private schools, the incentives for the property sector and the investment we’re carrying out in the economy,”

The brunt of his attack on Joseph Muscat was based on the notion that this government has actually increased spending notwithstanding the 40 million euro budget cuts. Interestingly Fenech’s damning accusation for Muscat was that “A Labour government will be an austerity government… “. This leaves us with much food for thought regarding both political parties. Is Gonzi’s PN eager to shed any links it has with “austerity” plans and if so does that mean that both our main political parties are jumping on the “growth” bandwagon because that is where the votes evidently lie?

Earlier Fenech had sung his praises for Francois Hollande’s policies regarding the stability pact stating that:

the Maltese government has “consistently emphasised that growth and stability go hand in hand and should not be divorced,” adding that the pact needs to be balanced between growth and stability because “there is no growth without stability.”

President Barroso of the European Commission has given a lukewarm reception to the Hollande ideas (see this article on the WSJ) so where does this put the PN government policy wise? Will it be backing Hollande to the hilt in this new battle of “austerity vs growth”?

Given that elections are still round the corner, and once the focus shifts away from Franco Debono’s timetable for parliament, it will be interesting to see how the “growth vs austerity” battle will translate in Malta. Better still, it will definitely be another sad day for the anti-establishment voters who would have hoped for an option that recaptures the power that has long been lost to the institutionally cocooned  behemoths that we have long labelled as “PLPN”.

* Note: The Times (UK) article links might not be immediately available to non-subscribers.

Looks like it’s getting worse. The comments on the Times that is. When Eastwood famously said (or famously did not say) “Opinions are like balls, everybody has them” he had summarised a universal truth (although he would have probably been admonished in today’s world for not choosing a more gender neutral metaphor). In Maltese we say “mitt bniedem mitt fehma” (a hundred persons, a hundred opinions). What many do not seem to be getting is the fact that the simple matter of having an opinion does not automatically make it right. Just because it sounds good, doesn’t make it right (pace Skunk Anansie).

Sure, it’s hard to draw a line for online editors eager not to scare away the commenting masses and it probably all boils down to education. Or rather the lack of it. You risk becoming a wankellectual snob saying this but hell, that’s an opinion that I am prepared to defend.

The problems of this country are also down to the fact that uninformed and badly expressed opinions are not only multiple but encouraged to prosper – and in some cases rewarded.

So here. For your perusal is one of the first “shithitsthefan” posters for facebook.

A tribute to Adam Yauch – the Beasties MCA – at the Hollywood Bowl on the 4th of May 2012. You may not like Coldplay, you might not L.U.V. Madonna but the extent of the impact of the Beasties is still being gauged. And for not too weird a reason I am still in shock. Here’s a mini collage of tributes I found here and there…

“The Beastie Boys were one of a kind, and so was Adam. They were all an important part of my musical history. And integral to the musical revolution that was happening at the time.” – Madonna

“I think it’s obvious to anyone how big of an influence the Beastie Boys were on me and so many others.” – Eminem

The New York Mets tribute to Yauch. Billboard on Yauch’s battle with cancer. The New York Times obit. A postscript in the New Yorker.

[bandcamp album=3973429017 bgcol=FFFFFF linkcol=4285BB size=tall2]

It must have been a Wednesday in 1988. I know that it must have been 1988 because  I have a feeling we were two second formers and there is a high probability that it was a Wednesday because that was our day off school. On that day back in 1988 my friend and I met at his house just off Gzira seafront and we retired to his play-room on the roof/attic to generally fool around and plan our next war games on Manoel Island (for such was the busy life of a twelve year old then).

I still recall the ruffling through the latest acquisitions of wartime memorabilia from the Sunday Monti in Valletta and the checking out of various gadgets that he would have obtained from Canada. There under a “naughty” poster of some anonymous model’s bum we got up to our usual nonsense. Then he got out the tape deck. He had a song that he wanted me to check out. A couple of revving of forwards and backwards to the right spot then there it was…

A couple of electronic xylophone notes then their voices came in “Girls” – a childish tune with a basic beat and a style that I would learn years later was fascinating to the frat boy era. It was a silly song about Girls and about how we all crave them “to do the dishes… to clean up my room.. to do the laundry and in the bathroom” and how preferably they would come two at a time.

I was hooked. Of course the miracle wonders of a double deck cassette tape meant that before long I would be one of the first young kids in Malta to own a copy of the infamous album Licensed to Ill. Together with bootleg copies of Eddie Murphy’s “Raw” and “Delirious” (thanks to other Canadian friends – ah the beauty of returned emigrants) Licensed to Ill would become my prized musical possession and would signify the beginning of a lifelong fixation on the Beastie Boys (or Beasties).

That was the album that included such immortal hits as “No Sleep till Brooklyn”, “Hold it now Hit it” and of course the galactic “Fight for Your rights to party”. That tape was burnt playing over and over in many a walkman or tape deck or car. In truth car plays were few and far between since rarely did the driver (aka Dad) concede to playing the masterpieces on a family outing.

I was hooked. I finally had a band I liked and the legends (urban or otherwise) about their antics reached me in drips and drops in pre-internet days. I still recall early London trips in which I “discovered” earlier works such as the “Cooky Puss” EP or their punk earlier works. I remember unwrapping Paul’s Boutique and listening to the full length on a catamaran ride in summer from Sliema to Marsalforn.

I’ve got all their albums. I mean all of them. I grew up with Ad Rock, MCA and Mike D and when a few years ago I got to see them perform live in Brussels it was the final step in a rite of passage that had lasted a couple of decades. The Beastie Boys were less about musical taste and lore and more about fidelity. I never quite understood their multiple directions in musical experimentation but then again I never considered myself anything like a music guru – what with my eclectic tastes.

The Beasties never sounded half as political as RATM, their hip-hop claim to fame only recently began to unravel fully in the mainstream with the rediscovery of the monumental jewels in the Paul’s Boutique album. They would have loved to disown their most instantly recognised hit (Fight for your rights to party) and cannot surely be called a highly productive music band on the whole. Yet they are legends. Inducted in the Rock Hall of Fame in April 2012 they have a place among the great milestones of musical history.

The death of Adam Yauch aka M.C.A. at the young age of 47 has shocked many of us who were prepared to enjoy more Hot Sauce in the coming years. A legend of hip-hop – a third of the group of white Jewish boys from Brooklyn who revolutionised hip hop – has left us. His “time to get ill” is come and gone but we like to think that the mark he has left on the music industry is still going strong.

RIP MCA
RIP Nathaniel Hornblower

Interesting in reading about how one album came to be a milestone in hip hop and pop music generally: check this out

So, we’ve been noticing that other blogs (Ramonadepares that’s you) have been going off interviewing bands in general and in particular. The last interview with the greatest band to hit Malta since the Beangrowers demiscegenated into something new got our attention. Here at J’accuse we like to do things strangely every once in a while – a bit like our obsession of using the “we” instead of the “I” – and we thought “Hey, we want an interview with the Shh! too”. So we sent a set of questions to the better better half of the band who incidentally happens to be a very good copy of Mirko Vucinic and said clone of Montenegran genius obliged us with answers.

So. Ladies and gentlemen. Here is our half-baked interview with Ian Schranz the handsome man in the band the Shh! Also, may I add that the photo was unceremoniously stolen from another musician’s posterous collection – a certain Oliver the D. There.

2. Bovril or Marmite?
Bovril when sick… marmite when healthy

4. Pastizzi or Ftira?
open rictotta pastizz in a ftira, cooked. ! 2012 (c) Ian Schranz

….the sound cows make to say that they’re unwell…
… … (so so so bad… .. but almost a eureka moment….)

probably still alive and healthy hatching his plans in an underground
bunker in the Nevada Desert.

meet a horrendous end, when Peter failed to notice that the truck was
signaling to go right..

10. When?
it was at about 10:30am.. i was at church…

Some required reading from today’s Figaro. Unfortunately the editorial is still not available online for non-paying members so I have typed out the main quote. We will see more of this in tonight’s debate between Francois Hollande and Sarkozy  but what is more interesting is how the main thrust of the problems that will be debated is a universal set of issues that apply Europe-wide.

Last time round the nationalist party cloned Sarkozy’s slogan “Ensemble, tout est possible” (Flimkien kollox possibli). This time we might see some more inevitable parallels. France’s “progressive” left built around anti-Sarkozyism is running a campaign built on “Hope”.

Hollande has promised employment and work but while his appealing rhetoric might sound great for the anti-austerity crowd it has already attracted the worried stares of the financial markets. Sarkozy is basing his challenge on facing the stark reality of failed models and failed economies.

May day’ speeches in Malta might be a taste of similar things to come closer to home. Joseph Muscat’s hope and rhetoric still fails the basic test of “Show me the money”. Combine that with his pre-hedging regarding “Hofra Mark 2012″ (or the gap in finances he will obviously be surprised to discover once he is elected PM) and you seem to be getting a perfect clone of François Hollande.

There is much more to be read into this and I will do so as soon as I find the time. Here is part of Le Figaro’s editorial. For an amusing reading try replacing NS with Lawrence Gonzi and FH with Joseph Muscat.

“(NS) a défendu un nouveau modèle français, fondé sur un constat d’évidence : la mondialisation bouscule tout, tout est donc à repenser si on ne veut pas etre englouti. Le viex modéle social, perpétuellement financé à crédit, ne tient plus la route. Si l’on ne fait rien, il s’écroulera bientot. (…) (FH) connait bien le problème de fond de sa campagne. Il promet des choses qu’il ne pourra tenir, puisque tous les créanciers de la France – la fameuse “finance” – l’observeront seconde par seconde.”

(watch the video top-right from 14 minutes)

In parliament it’s been reduced to a question of motions and counter-motions. While the nation fakes a collective breath-holding session as the MP’s battle out the latest round the few who can be bothered set up impromptu betting odds as to what will happen next in the drawn-out Debono saga. In the press we have the usual white elephants – from the White Rocks Sports Complex that resurfaced a few weeks ago to the Feasibility Plans for Bridges to Gozo.

All the while the business of government is stalled and hedged because the money bills have not been voted and because – let’s face it –  every other moment is being dedicated to secret strategy meetings (pace Maltatoday) that are about as secret as whatever Jeffrey Pullicino Orlando has had for lunch or Owen Bonnici’s latest hobby. The opposition is busy painting the state of the nation as one floundering in abject poverty, expensive bills and of course mention has now begun to be made of the debts and holes that this government will bequeath to its successor. Mais bien sur.

While the circus is in full force the world around the navel-gazing isle is on a rapid mission of the “change or bust” kind – one that cannot afford to give a rat’s arse about arty farty obvious promises in the form of Joseph Muscat’s latest populist mantras. Whether the circus lasts till June or October one thing is for sure. There will be an end to the party. After that it will be down to the business of governing in a time of austerity.

Speculation is rife that this spring could end up being a hot European spring politically with the anti-austerity wave finally taking the European leaders heads-on. A Hollande vicotry in France and a failure by Merkel to push on with further measures could risk spelling disaster for the fragile instability that currently is a European reality. Within that perspective – and outside the childish noise of the four walls of our Franco-led parliament – the future looks daunting.

Will our parties take the realist approach and moderate their promises in the run up for an election? Will they participate in a much needed eye-opening campaign for voters to appreciate the realities of the world beyond the shores of San Pawl-il Bahar and Mellieha? Or will they proceed with their pie-in-the-sky populisms feeding off a skewed view of the world and the immediate economic ills?

At this rate, the after party promises to be uglier than the mother of all hangovers.