I’m tempted to start a political movement. It will be one that is guaranteed to win over hundreds of thousands of votes. Ok maybe a bit less. But the formula is a winner….
The movement will divest itself of anything remotely political in value. There will be no reference point as to whether we would weather an economic storm with austerity or growth other than the mother of all policies: WE DO WHAT YOU WANT (or at least we tell you we will).
This political movement will renege any sense of partisan affiliation. It is not a Labour party. It will not carry the burden of a polka-dot history of gaffes in recent years. There is no baggage and no place for old-style politicians who plan to think in terms of “principles”. Pipe-smoking politicians who dare stand in the way of the progressive tsunami of this movement will be ignored and ignored till they stand aside. The added benefit of its being neither a party nor a value-laden vehicle means that persons of any previous colour persuasion are welcome. Nationalists, labourites, alternattivisti… you are welcome under our big tent. You need not throw away your “tessera” just join our tsunami of change.
We will fuel the movement with the promise of change and hope. Young people will be allowed to be young. Persons seeking employment will be allowed to seek employment. We will cut spending and increase spending. We will reinstate subsidies on utilities and channel public money obtained through taxing the citizens into funding these subsidies that are intended to make citizens spend less.
We will be a shield against the corrupt and incompetent who are paid to work for us. We will channel spite, anger and jealousy and reward them. We will drive a stake through the Malta caste system and return the power to the middle masses. Who are the middle masses? Why you dear reader – dear voter… anyone with a gripe and a reason to complain is the middle mass. And we are the answer to your prayers. We are the new shit!
We do not only intend to drive partisanism into the ground but also any semblance of principles, values and ideas. We will be driven on pure hope, ambition and the desperate need to get rid of the old shit and bring in the new.
Because we are confident that you will like this new shit.
Vote for the Malta Bowel Movement. We’re worth it.
9 replies on “The Bowel Movement”
għandek l-unu tiegħi…
I promise to be a voter if you promise to take money from the government’s pockets to put it in the people’s pockets.
Great name! Just ditch the cartoon ‘straining man’ logo for a simple ‘Armitage Shanks’ and you’re in business.
So, Mr Jacques, first you disclose these fictive dreams of yours, which look hilarious in conservative eyes yet are solemnly serious in your supposedly ultra-intellectual wit, and then you mock Alleanza Liberali, which is neither fictitious nor stupid.
You see. On the internet all those who wanna pretend to be a post-modern version of Manwel Dimech keep coming up with sarcastic ideas that vary in humour, stupidity and content, while converging on their shitty ending which would sound somewhat like this: “i would do it if i were to have the time it requires”.
How sick!
Contrarily, we at Alleanza Liberali did not say: “we would do it”, but “let us do it” . . . and we did.
Without silly humour … without pseudo-post-modern sarcasm … without SHIT …
We are ALLEANZA LIBERALI: ‘Specific’ in our policies, ‘Measurable’ in our actions, ‘Achievable’ thanks to our well-planned strategies, ‘Realistic’ in our proposals and ‘Timed’ with Brussels in our parallel development. We are SMART.
Jean-Pierre Sammut
Alleanza Liberali
Malta
Thank you Jean-Pierre for your dose of scatological loghorrea. If, and I stress the if, you were half as smart as you claim to be you might have noticed the thread of tongue-in-cheekness that ran through this post. I’d love to spend some time explaining how this post was a parody but I have a feeling it would be time that was badly spent.
Do Vote for the Malta Bowel Movement, though.Because, you see, we ARE the shit.
Of course!
Tongue-in-cheek … parody … satire … supposedly-intellectual humour … quasi-subversive contemplation … recycled sarcasm … supposed irony … and what not! You see, how childish!
Can you just tell us why Your Great Intellect has been cast out from the printed version of The Malta Independent (and found refuge only on the children’s machine aka internet)?
And, as i already pointed out, first you disclose your fictive dreams, which look hilarious in conservative eyes yet are serious in your ultra-intellectual wit, and then you mock Alleanza Liberali, which is neither fictitious nor stupid (… nor conservative, for that matter).
It was The Malta Independent on Sunday and I stopped writing. Sadly there was no “casting out” as you put it. What’s with all this Garden of Eden lingo? Cast out, found refuge,….do you always talk like that or is it only when you write on the Children’s Machine?
… it’s when i talk with arrogant folks.
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